I am in the mid years of my life. I ruminate about the human experience. All of the flaws and all of the splendor of the human experience. I ruminate over the sadness I have experienced, the joy I've known and the simple day to day ordinary that lies between the sadness and the joy. I think about why it is that I have so little self-confidence. Why I consider myself to be less valuable than those I place upon pedestals. And all the while I know why. I know the answer is in my sadness. The thing that makes me the saddest. Loss.
Every now and then I allow myself to wallow in my own self-pity. Putting it in words to share with others. Not for sympathy. Just to share. Just to say "this is me". And then I stop and I go back to finding the wonder in my day to day living. Being a creative soul. Making things to serve my own peace. Looking for a way to hide the sadness of my shadow.