Shadow of a Woman

9/8/2016

Photo by Lisa Tettimer

I've always been intrigued by shadows. Sitting in front of my kitchen window in the late afternoon sunlight today sent me for my camera. The texture created by my new bamboo shades reminded me of an abstract painting. A sunlit self portrait with no details. Blurred lines and simple color. And for some reason when I was choosing which picture to use for my blog it made me sad...very, very sad.

I am in the mid years of my life. I ruminate about the human experience. All of the flaws and all of the splendor of the human experience. I ruminate over the sadness I have experienced, the joy I've known and the simple day to day ordinary that lies between the sadness and the joy. I think about why it is that I have so little self-confidence. Why I consider myself to be less valuable than those I place upon pedestals. And all the while I know why. I know the answer is in my sadness. The thing that makes me the saddest. Loss.

Every now and then I allow myself to wallow in my own self-pity. Putting it in words to share with others. Not for sympathy. Just to share. Just to say "this is me". And then I stop and I go back to finding the wonder in my day to day living. Being a creative soul. Making things to serve my own peace. Looking for a way to hide the sadness of my shadow.

Photo by Lisa Tettimer

8 Comments

Laurie

9/8/2016 11:16:02 pm

You make a great shadow. Those in your shadow are fortunate, to know you and all of your creativity - truly amazing. And Bonus - the sun has to be shining to create a shadow and the sun shine is ALWAYS welcoming!

Lisa Tettimer

9/8/2016 11:38:39 pm

❤Thanks Laurie.❤

donna

9/8/2016 11:40:15 pm

The sadness that loss brings makes me a shadow of myself. I know those tears all too well. Once again I am moved by your soulful muse my beautiful friend.

Lisa

9/9/2016 08:24:51 am

Thank you Donna. Love to you 💙

Nancy donley

9/9/2016 07:09:24 am

I have placed you on a pedestal - as have many of your friends!

9/9/2016 08:25:58 am

Don't do that. I'm sure to dissapoint. Love you Nancy. ❤

Wendy McQuinn

9/10/2016 01:43:42 am

I had a mentor once who always told me to "nip self pity in the bud." I really struggled with this because it couldn't be that simple, could it? And I learned for me it isn't. For me, I figure I have a need to attend the "Pity Party" and see who's there. Over the years there have been some mighty interesting parties.
I wonder if sometimes there isn't more clarity in shadows...
Loss seems so solid to me. Sadness is not negligible. So what makes a shadow so ethereal? Perhaps it points us back to ourselves in loving and necessary ways.
I think loss permanently stains innocence. Yet, I think I've come to believe that stained innocence can be like tie dyed strength. To me you have the strength of your loss in solid beauty that your shadow reflects back to you...and I always believe tears water strength. Perhaps our shadows house our secrets and remind us of our soul life. And there probably is no better place to study that than in the light.
(I think of you like a prism...with all the dimensions and colors, muted or clear, that reflect the sun that shines there. And they cast shadows too. Loving you!)

lisa

9/10/2016 08:48:40 am

Love to you Wendy. I love listening to the voice you write into your prose. I stumble through my thoughts with broken, incomplete sentences. I think they are there for a reason. I feel like the praying mantis caught in the spider web. Both have strong, intriguing symbolism. I just don't know how to read the message yet.

Shadow of a Woman

Leave a Reply.

Author's Note

Archives

Categories