Shadow of a Woman

Photo by Lisa Tettimer

I've always been intrigued by shadows.  Sitting in front of my kitchen window in the late afternoon sunlight today sent me for my camera. The texture created by my new bamboo shades reminded me of an abstract painting. A sunlit self portrait with no details. Blurred lines and simple color. And for some reason when I was choosing which picture to use for my blog it made me sad...very, very sad.

I am in the mid years of my life. I ruminate about the human experience. All of the flaws and all of the splendor of the human experience. I ruminate over the sadness I have experienced, the joy I've known and the simple day to day ordinary that lies between the sadness and the joy. I think about why it is that I have so little self-confidence. Why I consider myself to be less valuable than those I place upon pedestals. And all the while I know why. I know the answer is in my sadness. The thing that makes me the saddest. Loss.

Every now and then I allow myself to wallow in my own self-pity. Putting it in words to share with others. Not for sympathy. Just to share. Just to say "this is me". And then I stop and I go back to finding the wonder in my day to day living. Being a creative soul. Making things to serve my own peace. Looking for a way to hide the sadness of my shadow.

Photo by Lisa Tettimer